Finding the best burger in the world, and the NHS…

For Paul

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Join me, if you will, in a thought experiment. Imagine you love burgers. I mean, you really love them. You love them with the zealous passion of the religious convert and it is your greatest ambition in life to share their joy with the world around you. To this end, you devise an idea. You will find the world’s greatest burger. Now, you’re no fool. You’ve been to university. You remember well the best kebab you ever had. It was three in the morning, you were so drunk you couldn’t feel your face and you stumbled into a tiny chippie down a hidden side street that you never found ever again. You went to great lengths to try. You recreated the exact circumstances that led to its discovery. You went out with the same people, drank the same drinks, begged the DJ to play the Piña Colada Continue reading “Finding the best burger in the world, and the NHS…”

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“What I’m about to say might be considered blasphemy…”

“DNA,” she drops the notes onto the end of the desk, and I sigh: she’s not referring to deoxyribonucleic acid. Here, in this clinic room, DNA stands for ‘did not attend’.

“Your eleven o’clock is here early though. Shall I bring him through once I’ve weighed and measured him?”

“Yeah, thanks. That’d be great.”

She glances at the mess of toys and crayons scattered over the giant city plan play mat, before noticing the fire engine that now stands in watchful readiness under the furthest recesses of the examination couch. It’s her turn to sigh as she considers tidying everything up in a couple of hours. She stoops down and removes the Tyrannosaurus Rex from the Continue reading ““What I’m about to say might be considered blasphemy…””